Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
"Adulting makes me wine."
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
You’re wine in a million.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
"You can't sip with us."
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
"You're the wine that I want."
"Great minds drink alike."
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
"Time to wine down."
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
"On cloud wine."
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
"Sip, sip hooray."
"I make pour decisions."