Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
"It's wine o'clock."
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
"You can't sip with us."
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
"I need to re-wine my life."
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
"Sip happens."
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
"Read between the wines."
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
"Adulting makes me wine."
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
"On cloud wine."
"I make pour decisions."
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
"Time to wine down."
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
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I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
"You are so bottlefull to me."
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