"Read between the wines."
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
"Adulting makes me wine."
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
"On cloud wine."
"I make pour decisions."
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
"Time to wine down."
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
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I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
"You are so bottlefull to me."
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
"Here for the right riesling."
"Say you'll be wine."
"Back that glass up."
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
"Alcohol you later."
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
"Sip, sip hooray."
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
"Rosé all day."
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
"Be kind, re-wine."
"I mead more wine."
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
"Great minds drink alike."
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
"Partners in wine."
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