"I need to re-wine my life."
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
"Sip happens."
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
"Partners in wine."
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
"Back that glass up."
"Great minds drink alike."
"No wine left behind."
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
"Sip, sip hooray."
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
"On cloud wine."
"Time to wine down."
"Read between the wines."
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
"Will you accept this rosé?"
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
"Stop and smell the rosé."
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
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