What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
You’re wine in a million.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
"Back that glass up."
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
"Here for the right riesling."
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
"Alcohol you later."
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
"Sip happens."
"It's wine o'clock."
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
"I need to re-wine my life."
"Love the wine you're with."
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
"You can't sip with us."
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
"Rosé all day."
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
"You're the wine that I want."
"Time to wine down."
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
"Great minds drink alike."
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
"No wine left behind."
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
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