Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
"Back that glass up."
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
You’re wine in a million.
"Sip happens."
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
"Sip, sip hooray."
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
"Great minds drink alike."
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
"Stop and smell the rosé."
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
"Read between the wines."
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
"On cloud wine."
"Adulting makes me wine."
"No wine left behind."
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
"Here for the right riesling."
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
"I make pour decisions."
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
"Alcohol you later."
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!