I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
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