Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
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