Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
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