Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
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