My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
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