I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
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