Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
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