If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
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