My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!