I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
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