The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
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