Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!