Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!