I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.