Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping onions which made me cry
Onions was a good dog
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
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