The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.