Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
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