Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
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