What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
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