What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.