What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
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