What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Go to BabaMail
