I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
Go to BabaMail
