What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
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