Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
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