What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.