Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
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