To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
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