How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
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