The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
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