What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
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