What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
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