Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
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