The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
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