What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.