What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
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