Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
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