What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
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