Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
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