Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
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