What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
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