Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
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