What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
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