How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
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