My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
"I make pour decisions."
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
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