How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
"Sip happens."
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
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