Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
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