Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
A lemon got a job in a vinegar factory last week...
Starting salary was $15 per sour.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
What do a pregnancy test and hummus have in common?
They both require a chickpea.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.