Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
"Time to wine down."
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
What’s an apple’s favorite movie? Mr and Mr Smith.
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
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