It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
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