My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
Donut even think about taking another donut!
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
"Sip, sip hooray."
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
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