Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
“How was your day? ” “It was a total disas-tater”
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
What do you call it when a taco stands in your way ?
An obs-taco
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
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