Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
"Time to wine down."
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
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