The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
“I can’t breathe” One potato said to the other. “What happened? ” The other said. The potato replied “I
feel I dropped my nose somewhere”
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
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