What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
Hey you like cherry preserves ?
Never mind, its probably not your jam
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
"Sip happens."
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
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