Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Donut even think about taking another donut!
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
Cherries are the worst soft fruits to watch scary movies with. They spend the whole time hiding behind a cushion as they are cherrified.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
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