How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
"You can't sip with us."
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
You knead me in your loaf. This one kind of works, but loaf is just a little too different from life.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
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