What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
Q: Where do fruits manufacture their money?
A: Peach Mint.
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
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