What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
"Love the wine you're with."
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
An Native American drank 100 cups of tea.
Next day they found him dead in his tea pee.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Why didn't the watermelon marry the strawberry?
They cantaloupe.
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
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