I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
Why did the blonde throw her favorite doll on the grill? She thought it was a Barbie-Q.
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
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