What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
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