If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
Join us for a slice of fun.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
"Alcohol you later."
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
Why does the Pope love Swiss cheese so much?
It’s hole-y.
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
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