Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
"I mead more wine."
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
What did four of the last five presidents drink? Left-Tea.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
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