Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
"Back that glass up."
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.