Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.