My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
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