What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
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