Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
The late actor Sir Sean Connery was a big fan of the onion because well, he usshed to love them shh-allot.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
I always tend to forget the french word for strawberry sometimes. But, then I eventually remember the fraise.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
What is a vampire who loves eating strawberry jam called? A jampire.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
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