I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
When would an apple be not an apple? When it is a pineapple!
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
Why did Mrs. Wine Grape run away from home?
She was tired of raisin a family.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
"Here for the right riesling."
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
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