What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
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