What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
"You had me at merlot."
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
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