Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
I hope for world peas.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, “I’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you sh*t faced.”
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
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