There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!
The soup chef changed the design of his menu. He said his new favorite font is Times New Ramen.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? CHICKEN CAESER SALAD.
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
"I mead more wine."
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
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