Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
You and I make a deluxe combo.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
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