Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
Why didn't the corn chip advocate wear shoes?
They believed in Fritos.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
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