What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What do you call a cute donut?
A-dough-able.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
What do donuts wear to weddings? Tuxe-doughs!
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
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