What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
"Adulting makes me wine."
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
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