Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
"I mead more wine."
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
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