If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
"You had me at merlot."
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
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