I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
A person who only loves himself and waffles in the entire world is an Eggomaniac.
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
He says to the doctor, "Help me Doc, what's the matter with me?"
The doctor replies, "That's easy. You're not eating properly."
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
I like you a latke!
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
A magnetic strawberry is always red and points north.
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