What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
"Great minds drink alike."
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!