Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
So apparently coles has a new thing where you can only have one salad per transaction
They’re calling it coleslaw..
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener