How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
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