What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
This foundation is rock salad.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
The only type of cookies a cookie monster loves to eat during Halloween is Ghoul Scout Cookies.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
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