Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
I hope for world peas.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
What did the apple say to the almond? You're Nuts!
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
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