Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Go to BabaMail
