What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
What does a lady in a mall do with a cheesey credit card? Go on a shopping brie.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
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