Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
You don't know jack-o-lantern
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
Go to BabaMail
