What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
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