In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
"I make pour decisions."
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
What did the corn farmer give to his therapist?
An ear full.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
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