What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
I hope for world peas.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
A scarecrow's favorite fruit to eat is straw-berry.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
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