I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
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