You and I make a deluxe combo.
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
Everybody romaine calm.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
"Back that glass up."
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
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