What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
If your team loses the Souper Bowl, then be prepared for a lot of boouillons from your fans.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
What kind of donuts can fly?
The plain ones.
How does an ice cream cone congratulate you on the anniversary of your birth?
It’s sherbert day!
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
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