How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
"Adulting makes me wine."
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
One should always practice what they peach.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
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