What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
"Time to wine down."
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
How do you know it’s cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get
chocolate ice cream.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
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