Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
You've really struck a gourd with me...
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
Keep calm and carrot on.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
Why did the cherry blossom tree seem scared when it was trying to make a cherry pie? Because it was baking like a leaf.
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
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