Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
While leaving, the peach friend told his sad buddy, "If you need any help, just peach out, I will be there."
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commentater!
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
Q: What do you call a scary berry?
A: A boo-berry.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
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