How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
"On cloud wine."
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
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