What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $2.50. Deer nuts are under a buck
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
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