Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
How do monsters like their eggs?
Terri-fried.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
"I mead more wine."
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
What do they do when the fruit educator is sick? They bring in a substitute peacher.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
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