What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
"On cloud wine."
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
What do you call an attractive, Jewish lemon with no worldly possessions?
An aesthetic ascetic acidic Hasidic.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
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