"You had me at merlot."
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
Why does the yogi meditate under the citrus tree?
Because it’s a sub-lime spot.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
Why didn’t the mother potato want her daughter to marry the famous newscaster? Because he was a common-tater.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
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