I always tend to forget the french word for strawberry sometimes. But, then I eventually remember the fraise.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
In life, the rule of thumb is, don’t bite more than you can chew unless it is chocolate.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
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What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?
“Sprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star.”
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
Why was the slice of bread upset with her husband?
He told her she was being too kneady.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
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