What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
What happened when the beer got divorced?
It became bitter.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
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