Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
You’re wine in a million.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
Damn, look at that pizza! It's an over panchiever.
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
I hope for world peas.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
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