What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Donut even think about taking another donut!
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
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