Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
"Partners in wine."
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
---
What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
You had to use rennet to curdle the milk for making Ricotta, not lemon juice!
This is not the right whey.
I love you from my head tomato
After his meal, the cannibal wipes his mouth and says: “My wife cooks the greatest soup in the world. But I will miss her so much.”
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
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