What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
"Great minds drink alike."
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
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What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
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