My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
Why did the hare go to the taco truck?
He couldn't beat the tortas.
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
I yam what I yam.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
Go to BabaMail
