Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Corn mazes should be renamed Maize mazes.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
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