I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
Do not be sad because of these bad words. You are always a fineapple in my heart.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
Why does the Pope love Swiss cheese so much?
It’s hole-y.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
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