If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
"I mead more wine."
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
An apple and an orange signed up for a tournament. No one was really surprised when they had both were seeded.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
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