What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
Time to celery-brate.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
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