Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
"Rosé all day."
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
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