What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
What do you give to a sick lemon?
lemonaid.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
What’s an apple’s favorite movie? Mr and Mr Smith.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
"Time to wine down."
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
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