What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
How do you know you in "love" with spicy food? After getting to third basil.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
Got the drive-thru girl at Taco Bell..
I pulled up and she said, "what can I get you?" And I replied, "I'll just have a moment for now."
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
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