I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
Chuck berry was undoubtedly the greatest rock and roll strawberry.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
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