I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
What did one slice of bread say to the other before the race?
You’re toast!
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
Why doesn't cheddar like to party with crackers? Someone always cuts the cheese.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
Everybody romaine calm.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
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