So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
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