This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
“How are you? ” “Well, I yam fried”
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
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