Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
When I got mugged on my way back from the greengrocers, I was peach-less!
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
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