Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
Lettuce stop these governmental leeks.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
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