Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Why do watermelons take such a long time to make decisions?
“They’re always melon it over.”
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
Strawberries have berry good eyesight because they are packed with a lot of Vitamin See.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
"No wine left behind."
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
If we cross lobster bisque and Elon Musk, what we have is a soup-er car
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
I hope for world peas.
Why do baby seals swim in salt water? Cause pepper water makes them sneeze.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
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