What is the opposite of Chocolate? Chocoearly.
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
What did mama bread say to her kids?
It’s way past your breadtime!
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
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