What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
"Sip happens."
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
"No wine left behind."
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
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