Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
What did the duck eat for lunch? Soup and Quackers.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants!
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
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