In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
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