What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
Where does a pineapple and cucumber vacation? Somewhere tropical (tro-pickle).
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
Why does every watermelon want to be in the Guinness book of records? Because there’s a lot of watermelon smashing to be done.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
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