I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
Why did the banana fail his driving test? He kept peeling out.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
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