What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
"I make pour decisions."
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
"Time to wine down."
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
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