I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
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