When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
What does a posh salad shout before it's eaten?
KELP!
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
What does a cheese say when they look in the mirror in the morning?
Halloumi.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
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