What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
I like you a latke!
Whenever the peach father gets mad at his son, he just screams loudly: “You are the son of a peach!”
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
What does a lemon pie and my wife have in common?
They both have meringue on them.
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
"Sip, sip hooray."
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
Q: What do you call a really violent fruit?
A: A peach breaker
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
I went to watch a play and there were so many peach errors in the dialogues.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
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