What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Why was the orange the valedictorian of her class?
She was the zest in class.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
"You had me at merlot."
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
"Sip happens."
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
Do you know what is the most favourite fruit in the United States? – Mmm peach!
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