My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don't know lettuce sea.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
How do playful monkeys go down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster!
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
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