At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
Are avocados good for your heart?
Yes, they make for great avo-cardio.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
Why did the corn stalks hold a ceremony in honor of the scarecrow?
To corn-gratulate him for being out standing in their field!
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
"Sip happens."
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
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