My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
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