Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
I didn’t know you could vape a chocolate bar until my wife told me to stop inhaling them.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
Join us for a slice of fun.
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
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