What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
What do horses like to put on their egg salad sandwiches?
MayoNAYS!
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
A strawberry will never help another strawberry because they tend to always get into jams.
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
"You're the wine that I want."
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Why can't chefs play baseball? They always get caught trying to steal a basil.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
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