What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What's the most popular American cheese sitcom? Curd Your Enthusiasm
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
Who is the funniest fruit around? Cherry Seinfeld.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
I tried telling a joke while drinking my juice for breakfast, but nobody got my punch line.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
It couldn’t handle the pressure.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
Having chicken broth before the game was a sure shot way to maintain energy for the Soup-er Bowl.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
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