What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
Why did the man continue to eat whole peaches? Because he has a bottomless pit.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
I always tend to forget the french word for strawberry sometimes. But, then I eventually remember the fraise.
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
National Herbs and Spices Day is celebrated annually on June 10.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
What kind of tea does Billy like?
Ability.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What do you call a house that likes food? a Condoment!
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
"Love the wine you're with."
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
What do athletes drink before games? Sport-Tea.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
"It's wine o'clock."
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