What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
What do oranges have after a hard work out? Juice!
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
The daddy strawberry got the job to perform at the circus because he was a berry straw-ng man.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
Why will you never meet an ice cream workaholic?
They know how to chill out.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
"Great minds drink alike."
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
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