What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
"Partners in wine."
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
A lemon says to an orange, “What are you up to?”
The orange replies, “Not much. Just hanging ‘round.”
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
How do you get a raise at the bread factory?
Butter up your boss.
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
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