I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
Why couldn’t the cheese sleep?
He was scared there was a munster under the bed.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette. They call it “Nico-tang”
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
Who is the superhero who loves to have soup all the time? Souper-man.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
Beer doesn't make you fat
It makes you lean.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas? They were empty.
I love you a tot!
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
Have you heard of the garlic diet? You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner!
You can only know the heart of a pineapple with a knife.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
Where do you put nectarines when you want to freeze them? Inside the peach-zer.
What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
The IT peach-guy is an expert in the field of peach synthesis.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
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