A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Did you hear about the sign on the bakery that got everyone talking? It said “I knead dough to live.”
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
The soup was too spicy to be had by us. It was the borscht soup I had ever had.
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
Mandy: Our teacher went on a special banana diet. Andy: Did she lose weight? Mandy: No, but she sure could climb trees well!
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
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